One of my best friends just had her third baby, an adorable little girl with a full head of hair. I am thrilled beyond words for her. As an only child and a mother of two sons, she could use a little more estrogen in the house. And she has always wanted to have a daughter. It's so fun to see her dearest wish fulfilled.
And I'm so glad that the announcement of this third baby could bring such joy to me.
You see, less than 48 hours before I learned of her first pregnancy, my husband and I had been told by a fertility specialist that we would never be able to have children on our own. It was a life-changing, devastating, stomp-on-your-heart kind of revelation, and I hadn't even begun to come to terms with it. And then my closest friend in the whole universe said, "We have something to tell you." As soon as I heard those words, my stomach dropped. I knew immediately what she was going to say.
It was the only time in my life when I have been completely incapable of making any kind of happy-sounding response. Always I have been able to cover up my hurt and make myself sound excited, if not thrilled for someone. But this time was different. I think my response was something along the lines of "Oh... that's GREAT. How exciting for you." In panic, I looked to my husband to help me, and all I could see was the pain in his eyes as he desperately tried to find the congratulatory words he did not feel.
I don't know how long they stayed after the announcement, but it seemed like an eternity. As we ushered them out the door with "Congratulations again!" it was all I could do not to dissolve into tears. The moment the door clicked shut, the flood gates opened, and I cried for what must have been hours.
But the most horrible part was not that she was having a baby and I wasn't. It was that I had failed my best friend in one of her happiest moments. I was so wrapped up in my own misery that I couldn't even feel a twinge of happiness for her sake. It was one of the most shameful moments of my life, and one I have regretted ever since.
So I am so happy that I had an opportunity to redeem myself when she told me about the impending arrival of this new little one. I was genuinely ecstatic for her. I squealed and laughed and congratulated her again and again, and assured her she would have the little girl she hoped for. It was a truly joyful moment, and I didn't feel even a tiny pinch of jealousy. Just happiness for a dear friend who is truly deserving of every possible blessing.
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