There's a cure for infertility - haven't you heard?! It's so obvious. All you need to do is RELAX. That's right. It's all in your head. If you would just relax then you would get pregnant. (Even a nurse at my doctor's office told me this! Nevermind the actual documented physical problem preventing pregnancy. Apparently all those tests were in my head too...)
Seriously, people, however well-intentioned, give the most ridiculous advice. It seems like they think, hey, it was so easy for me to get pregnant that surely you are doing something wrong! Just do it this way, and you will have a baby.
By far my favorite piece of advice I received was from someone who suggested I have my womb "cleaned out" through my feet using reflexology. (I didn't realize my womb needed cleaning. As it was it had gone unoccupied for 25 years. Maybe she thought it was dusty?)
And of course there was the advice that I should just have more sex/less sex/use more lubricant/use less lubricant/try the missionary position/try another position/elevate my hips after sex/lie on my stomach after sex/try acupuncture/try a fertility dance/try to keep my sanity with all the unsolicited advice...
As an aside, this brings up an interesting point. Everyone automatically assumes that infertility is a woman's problem. No one seems to realize that nearly 30% of infertility cases are caused by male-factor. And an additional 30% are a combination of male and female infertility. So ladies, get your husband tested!
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AMEN! I can't believe how many people have told me similar things, particularly about "relaxing." Even my MOM! I have a friend that tried to get pregnant for 6 or 7 years with no luck and they decided to adopt a beautiful baby girl. Now, about a year later, she just found out she is pregnant! How exciting! Of course, the snide comments apparently don't go away... She's had so many insensitive people say to her, "See! All you had to do was forget about getting pregnant!" ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! My friend certainly did not forget about getting pregnant just because she finally had a baby in her arms. That amount of pain and desire will never go away or be forgotten. As I've thought about that situation recently, It occured to me that maybe Heavenly Father allows some of these infertility situations so the individuals involved will consider adoption. And that's how so many special "unwanted" babies, that are so often the consequence of sin, can be placed with the family they should have been with in the first place... and THEN Heavenly Father gives us the joy of pregnancy, at least in my friend's case. I'm certainly not trying to say that adoption is the reason or the solution for each situation. I know for us, at this point, we haven't felt prompted towards that direction. But my friend's situation helped me to see infertility and adoption in a different light than I had before. God most certainly has His hand in each of our situations, whatever the reason for the infertility. God is in control and knows and understands... It has nothing to do with RELAXING!
Thanks for the invite to read the blog, Bonnie. I really admire all four of you. And I'm definitely looking forward to reading about each of your experiences. Bring on the well-deserved venting sessions! :)
My favorite piece of advice was to try "aromatherapy." Apparently, it can double as a treatment for depression. How efficient!
Oh, hahahahah! Yet another laugh! The "relax" advice...yeah...Great point about hubby testing, though. Our doc actually wanted him tested first, since it's so easy. Good thing, too, since we ended up with a combo of things. I'm gonna give the fertility dance one more shot, though...as well as more sex, I guess...nothing to lose there! ;)
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