Natural twins are a bad omen. For me, anyway. Any time a friend announces she is expecting natural twins, it means bad pregnancy news for me. The first time this happened, a friend had called me from her doctor's office to express her shock and delight at discovering she was carrying twins (after trying to conceive for about a month, of course). I had just gone through IVF after dealing with years of infertility, and found out a few days later it had been unsuccessful. Then, the day after my negative pregnancy test, I had to host her baby shower. That was fun.
Then there was the time last summer when I was basking in the glow of a miraculous natural pregnancy. My husband read me an email from a friend, saying that she had just discovered she was expecting twins. Not a few minutes later I went to the bathroom and discovered I was bleeding. An ultrasound showed my baby had died, and suddenly my miracle was lost.
I'm sure you can see why, when anyone announces they are having twins, I get a little jumpy. I can't help it. Too many bad experiences. So I am always relieved when someone else's good pregnancy news means nothing ominous for me except the small twinge in my heart, and that can usually be tossed aside in favor of celebratory squealing.
But it seems the universe just likes to mess with me. If it can't directly affect a pregnancy, it seems to enjoy one of those little pokes in the eye to remind me of what I don't have.
This happened earlier this week when I received a phone call announcing the arrival of a friend's new baby. I hung up the phone feeling happy and excited for their family. And then a few minutes later my cell phone rang again. Of all people, it was my fertility specialist, calling to go over some test results with me. Good timing, doctor. Nothing ruins a joyful moment like reminding me I just spent time having my uterus filled up with saline and all my blood re-examined with a fine-tooth comb. Thanks, I needed that.
I don't know why it is that the universe doesn't want to allow me even one minute of happiness for someone else without reminding me of what I can't have. Where's the love?
Come on universe, enough poking already.
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3 comments:
That is just un-cool. Who does that darn universe think she is? Seriously though, that does stink. You were very strong for that shower, by the way. I know that was really tough. Shows what a good friend you are, despite your own heartaches and eye-pokes. Here's hopin' this round of testing leads to another little baby O (or two :).
Good grief. I can't imagine attending a baby shower after that, let alone hosting one! I still can't bring myself to go to a baby shower...I can have complete joy and happiness for the girl and yet I just can't bring myself to endure the torture of the oohs and ahhs and everything pregnancy and baby for the sake of handing her a carefully decorated bag of something that she probably already has 10 pairs of just to show a face of support. I hope I can climb over that hump one day. I'm sorry you got another eye poke, especially when you were feeling so happy.
Time to start poking back!
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